Intrigue in Loss
by Neysalmakia
Summary: A young girl of the Old Religion meets some of her kind. How will she cope with her first near love? (Plz R&R, I need suggestions)
1. Chapter 1

The moon blazed clearly in contrast to the velvety blackness of the sky. Sienna inhaled deeply and gazed up at it. The cool, fresh air stung in the back of her throat, but she gulped down more, enjoying the feel of it. A slight wind brushed against her arms and a new exhilaration filled her.  
This was where she belonged, these were her elements. The only things that mattered. Another soft breath of wind caressed her cheek, and she felt harmony. Real, true peace, and the purist of the sort. A comfort as if she was being embraced by the Mother, and she knew that she was. This is what she lived for.  
A light sprinkle began to play upon her eyelashes, and fell softly to the ground every time she blinked. A downpour began and she was utterly thrilled. The wind came whipping by and she began to laugh. She did a few experimental twirls and then proceeded to carry out turns and leaps through the rain. All the while guided by the moon. The rain fell onto her face, the wind whipped her hair about, and the moon and stars provided her light.  
  
Ah, to share in these moments of joy, almost the only that she had. She turned her face up to the moon and smiled, thanking the Goddess for this gift of delight. Then, just as suddenly as the joy came, it left, replaced by concern of anyone having seen her. She turned her head about, for a moment forgetting the elements, and surveyed the windows. Not quite satisfied, she went back inside. As she stepped back through the door she gazed longingly at the moon, its embrace and thrill gone. A sigh parted her lips and she went to her room. Once there, she proceeded to close the door and open the window, trying once again to breathe the free air of the night. Only old dust and the like from the screen came to her throat. However, she could still see the moon. Thank you, Dear Goddess, for all of your wonderful gifts. Thank you for everything, her silent prayer came. With that, she turned about to begin on the preparation for the next day. The drudgery that she must go through to reach the blissful night again. School, people, the sun. She could hardly stand them, and yet she had to. Controlled by what her elders had decreed, she laid out her clothes for school the next morning. A deep pit in her stomach still longed for the experience, long gone. How rare these moments were in modern life. Most people didn't even know that they existed. If only she could find some one who understood! Goddess, how long will I have to endure this? Settling her mundane business, she lay in bed. Wakeful, she lay with sorrow spilling over her and out. She played some music, but instead of catharsis, she fell even more into her sorrow. Tomorrow was a new day.. A whole entire day to come again. They never seemed to end. How could she escape it all? If only for a little while, to be free! Yet, even as she thought it, she knew that she would never truly be free from this world of commitment and stupidity. Oh, if just one person was there for her, just one that understood.  
  
* * *  
  
"Solution A has 80% acid, solution B has 50% acid, and solution C has 40% acid and is 20L. How would I solve this problem?" Algebra drowned on, but she was not really there. Her mind kept straying to the night before. With that, she began to remember all of the failures of her life. Then, the failures of others. Stile, Elian, Lyra, Morgaine, Hallia, and so many others. Why had they left off so abruptly? Why could they not return to her?  
"Sienna? Sienna? I asked you a question." Her gaze fell upon the board and the state of the problem that lay there. Mr. Mathews was waiting for a reply. The next step was to factor so.  
"The quantity x minus three times the quantity two x plus five." She said in a doubting voice.  
"Right." Mr. Mathews said and looked at her just as doubtfully. He knew that she had not been paying attention. To earn back the embarrassment, she decided to pay attention the rest of class. She succeeded, but only barely. Second period came. Maybe she could talk to the one closest to understanding, Glory. She doubted that she would understand this, though, being a true Christian. So, she decided not to broach the subject.  
"Last night, I had to go to Iwanna's and we played the best game!" Glory proceeded to summarize her night, while Sienna sat and half-listened. She tried to listen, she truly did, but she really didn't want to here about her friend's night at church. I wish I belonged to a church, of my beliefs, of course. I could be around others like me and- Her thought was cut off by Glory's next comment.  
"So, did you have any dreams last night?" she inquired. It was one of the things they did, share dreams.  
"None that took place while I was asleep." She answered.  
"What do you mean?" Glory tried to understand. She was very intelligent and they often had debates, regarding many different things, but mostly religion. Glory was a Christian, Sienna was. well, she really didn't have a name for it. It wasn't Wicca, and it wasn't quite Neo- paganism either. It was really what she felt and had learned from the Goddess.  
"I mean that. well, what if life was all a dream, and then one day you wake up. We call this death, but its really just beginning. What if your whole life is a waking dream? You know how realistic dreams can be in this frame, what if this is all a dream. Everything that we do doesn't really matter, what matters is what comes after. Until, you dream again. Reincarnation. Or maybe, when we sleep we are actually in some one else's awareness and their memories are our dreams, or at least parts. We are all many faceted, why shouldn't one of them be an almost new identity?"  
"Sienna, that's ridiculous. You know that we only get one chance to live and then we are judged, Heaven or Hell. God wouldn't let anything like that happen."  
"There it is again. Christianity. Oh well. At least we started a debate." She smiled hopefully and Glory smiled back and began to laugh. That was one more thing about Glory, she was almost never mad, and she laughed or smiled everything off. It tended to be contagious. The day proceeded and was dull without Glory to talk to. Her other friends were good company, though they were only in a few of her classes. Sixth period came about and brought choir with it. Sienna really enjoyed this class. The teacher was really. well, nice. Besides, the music was very entertaining.  
After school, she started up her computer in the hopes of playing some music to entertain her while she was doing homework. When she finished, a smile cracked her face. Now, time for the real life. She got out her book and began to read. She was studying up on another rite. She'd never actually performed any, but she did know the basics. In mid sentence, the phone rang. Rising heavily to her feet, she went to pick it up.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi."  
"Who is this?" she asked incredulously.  
" Uh. Cum saxum saxorum." the voice faded out.  
A bit alarmed, but not overly so, she went to look up the words in all of her resource books. She recognized them as archaic Latin, and she knew they were associated with stone. They sounded somehow familiar, in an eerie sort of way. Cum saxum saxorum. She knew it from somewhere and then.. Dragons! That was it. It was the incantation to invoke a Dragon's Eye and summon the Dragon. Why would anyone say that to her? Unless. she had memorized that incantation at school, so if they knew her, they could have been watching. This sent more than a chill up her spine. That verse was actually unique for her, since it had been the first verse she had memorized. What could that have to do with anything else?  
  
* * *  
  
Not a single tear was shed in her misery. She breathed in the deep, cool air, searching for comfort, and finding none. Instead, she only drew in more of the dark coldness into her heart. It was laced with ice as it was, hardened against the pain. She could do nothing about it. Sit, and wait for it to pass. It was the only thing that she had learned to do. She knew that there was a reason that the Goddess sent her this pain. There must be some reason. She thought of everyone that had borne this terrible weight before her. She must not give in. It would pass, and she would awake to a new day. Day, hardly a comforting thought. She drew more of the sorrow in through her nose and mouth. She was forever haunted by these nighttime visits of the Death Crone. Death no longer scared her, now that she had the Goddess. She understood that it was not really an end, but the beginning of a new life. After all, nothing but love and devotion was eternal. She drew herself into her own being. She let the sorrow and loneliness consume her. It would do her no good to push it away, for it was never truly gone. She let it fester and form a pit inside her. It would do her no good. Might as well build up her ability to tolerate the pain. For it truly did hurt, her chest felt as if an icy hand was squeezing the very memory of joy from her. She fell heavily onto a chair, hardening her mind against the attacks going on in her body. It would remain intact, and yet it was already flowing to meet the ice invading. She reached out to the Goddess, but found only an emptiness. This filled her with such dread that she could barely hang on. She felt her true inner being seeping away from her with each passing moment. She was stuck in the limbo, being tormented with all of this agonizing pain, but not being able to stop any of it. Her eyes gently began to droop, and the pain deepened, reaching into the depths of her heart. She let it, and awaited the dream world, her only escape.  
  
* * * 


	2. Chapter 2

She drew out her pen and began to write. She was seized, as if by fever, and worked fervently. Her eyes were drawn up, however, when another entered the clearing. She sat underneath a magnificent willow, placed next to an ever-flowing stream. The sun was setting and night gradually crept closer. A peace was settling on the clearing, even as it was disturbed by an outsider. She looked down at her half-finished sentence. Tossing it casually aside, she strode up to the figure.  
"This is my domain. Identify yourself or get lost," she said in a snarly tone, not bothering to mask her annoyance or seeming-power.  
"I have no identity. Perhaps you could help me there?" he asked and raised an eyebrow.  
"Explain yourself. I don't want anymore distractions today." She sighed and sat down beneath the tree. He joined her.  
"What were you doing before?"  
"I was writing something. I don't even know who you are, so if you have something to say, you best say it now." She looked at him, challenge in her voice. She really did hate to be this way, tough and rude, but she knew it to be the only way to keep her clearing secret and hidden.  
"I do have something to say. Or rather, I have much to say. Let it be as you wish. I am Peter. My most urgent business with you is an apology." Sienna looked at him, set aback. Who was this person and what could he possibly be apologizing for? This was the first time that she'd seen him, in her life! Speaking of seeing him, she truly looked upon him for the first time. He was handsome, oh yes. With deep brown eyes, olive skin, and dark hair to match. Something about him was so familiar.  
"I apologize for that call. It was my first way of getting into contact with you, and my superiors doubted my abilities. It happened that I proved them right. Anyone else, and I wouldn't have made such a fool of myself. But, seeing how we're the same age and piers and. well, you get the idea." He looked at her hopefully.  
"What is it that you want from me?" At this, he cast his glance down and took up her hand in an innocent and a bit modest way. The shock came as did the vision: The serpents, the crescent moon. On him, on her. Jolted back into reality, she looked up to him; wonder rushing out from her eyes into his. "How did you know that would happen?" she asked quietly.  
"They saw it in the well." Nerving herself, she took a deep breath.  
"What must we do?"  
"This." He reached out and took her into his arms. She began to protest, but then realized that it was not of his will either. She let him and he looked up at her in apology before guiding his lips to hers. Their warmth was amazing, unlike anything that she'd felt before. All of her doubts about him vanished. My Bridgit, I see that this life has been weary for you. But rejoice, for the Goddess has guided us to each other again.  
Yes, to each other, my dear Zane.  
Once again back to themselves, both looked mildly shocked.  
"I had not realized that would happen. Do you have all of my memories?" she suddenly sputtered, while regaining her senses. "Will that happen every time?"  
Placing his finger on her lips, he just watched her. Looking up into those crystalline pools of the unknown, she quieted and disengaged. She knew that it could not be faked, and yet suspicion nagged at every part of her being. Lead by her own confusion, and some of his, she began to protect herself in the ways that she had learned.  
"Wait!" he cried desperately. "They did not tell me of this! It was not in my training. What has happened?" he pleaded. She hardly knew him, and yet in him she saw something never before known to her. Another face took form, that of her beloved Zane. She reached for him and he saw her as Bridgit. They met once again, but not as Sienna and Peter, as past lovers, given a second chance through their new incarnations. Sienna was there, present. She could see what was happening and feel it, but she didn't know, or want, to stop it. She let a dead love come over her and reveled in the pure joy of it. From the looks of Zane, similar occurrences were going on in him. They pulled away once again, and returned to normal states. She had finally experienced what had come as glimpses of dreams in real life, but it wasn't she that had done it. Straightening her back and gazing at Peter, she realized that she wanted that experience for herself, and not to share it. She could tell the same thing was going through Peter's mind. Neither of them would start it though, so they sat in an awkward silence, each fighting a battle with themselves. Finally, he spoke. "I didn't mean to- uh, I mean. Well, they told me to come here and touch your hand, but they never said anything about this. I didn't know what would happen. And, I'm sorry if it was rude. No, it was rude and I meant you no harm." He looked down while saying all this. Trying to keep it going, as if he knew he had to get it out but was so reluctant to do so. "So, that having been said, I guess you'll want nothing more with me." He began to rise and Sienna suddenly felt compelled. "No, wait. Stay." She looked down while saying this, her hand resting on his sleeve. She didn't want to be in this situation, the weak one, but she knew that if she didn't do something now, she would never have the chance again. The irony of this entire situation! She so wanted just one experience to herself. Yet, she knew that somehow it would be denied to her. She had to try it now. She didn't know him. He didn't know her. But she knew that he understood about the Goddess, like no one else had ever understood before. He knew, and that was enough. For a moment, a strange look flitted across his face, and she almost fled. But then she saw it. The comfort in his eyes, as if she was what he had been waiting for. She had dreamed of those eyes and she knew that this was right, no matter how wrong it seemed on the outside. No one without the Goddess would understand. An outsider would think it absurd. They knew and understood better than anyone could ever understand. He sat down next to her again. It was enough. They both sat there, eyes locked into a never-ending gaze. Sienna had never just sat before. Only during meditation, and this was as far from meditation as was possible to get. At her untraceable and unseen behest, he took up her hand yet again. She could feel it then. The knot in his throat, the turmoil beneath. He really didn't want to do anything wrong, and he had been told that this was wrong. Not in particular, of course, but he had definitions to rely on. She felt it through his touch and he glanced up at her, all nerves and fidgets. She felt much the same way, and yet she knew that it was her place to calm him. She had no idea how, or even why. Running through endless possibilities of actions that she could perform, a soft noise caught her attention. Peter heard it too, and his gratitude for a distraction could not be hidden from his face or from her. The stream ran, almost silent as it always was. The leaves in the willow began to stir, formed into shape by the wind. Sister Elijah, I will forever remember and be thankful. Sienna projected in a silent prayer, or at least it was close to one. The willow's branches began to close over them, and soon they were truly under the tree, hidden amongst its powerful branches. He was the first to speak. "How do we get out?" he couldn't keep the worry from his voice. "Has this ever happened before?" She simply responded with a shake of her head. In that moment, for one fleeting second, he seemed truly innocent and perfect. There was no other way to describe it. Just perfection. "You know what happened, don't you? I did feel. something, but I'm not at all sure it wasn't my imagination. Wait, what element do you claim?" "I do not claim any. Wind has claimed me." "So then it was a sister that did it?" "I believe so." "Do you know this particular wind sprite?" "Oh, I would never call her a sprite. She is much more than that. She was the first sister I ever made contact with." Sienna was beginning to settle into this role. "She holds much significance with you, does she not? I have heard tell of what first contact can do to a person." He asked in innocence. "What of your first contact? You must have had some. guide to bring you to the place that you are now. Oh, and if you don't mind me asking what kind of place is it, exactly?" Once again, an eyebrow was raised and she began to feel in control of the situation. Dominance was one of the securities she had, but with the Goddess it was different. She was so far inferior that she had never challenged or ordered before, just requested and hoped. Hope-- she knew it to be the most devious and faulty emotions in existence, yet she still had to experience it. "I- well, being of air, I know you won't like this. But, I am of fire." He looked down and his gaze fell to his lap, where his hands were twisting steadily, as he had dropped hers when the willow moved. Sienna knew of fire, and most certainly did not trust it. In fact, it was the only of the elements that she felt distanced from. Then, that desire for him took purchase in her chest again. She tried to shove it down, but she knew that it was of fire. The softness of his lips, his arms about her, she could feel it already. He felt it too. That moment they were both trembling with the restraints of their wills. One was going to break, and they both dreaded the moment that this would happen. They hung on as long as they could, as if they were being deprived of oxygen. Neither could help but to remember the feel of the other as it had been in the past, the warmth, the longing. Almost simultaneously, they let go and came together. Both leaned against the tree, and Sienna drew her strength from it as she had so many times before. The spirit of this tree was a dryad in its own and Sienna was its best friend. Peter, however, did not draw upon the tree, even though it was of the element earth, and therefore mutual ground. He drew upon the soil, or rather what lay beneath it. The fiery inferno of the mantle. His powers had been trained so far as to penetrate the crust of the Earth. And so, each with their secret sources of support, they drew steadily in to each other. All they could think of was experiencing that sensation yet again. With each new moment, they ran through it again, and the longing increased. At long last they met. His lips on hers, a soft squeeze here, and then a slight turn. The warmth spread through her body, and she brought her arms to bear on his neck, so as to keep him in this position as long as was possible. For just that moment, each experienced a slight portion of nirvana, all else gone but the other. A wind swept through, and both automatically moved closer to the other for warmth. This single unconscious action ignited something in him. His barriers of tenderness and love collapsed. The feelings remained, but they no longer held him back. A fervent passion took hold, and Sienna could not resist. Instead, responding with her own passion, a perfect counterpart of his. It continued in unbounded bliss. Peter crumpled after being deprived of his own breath for too long. Both stood, gasping for air, their bodies making them concentrate to still their breathing. Their breath had been used and they fought to regain it. When Sienna had recovered hers, she glanced over at Peter, his breath not quite back yet. She had never gazed upon someone that way, with such tenderness and respect. She couldn't stop the thought from coming- she hardly knew him, and yet, oh how she knew him! Almost as if he sensed her thought, he looked up at her, in the same way as she had looked upon him. Both looked up to see the willow's branches parting. "How is it that you know this tree so well?" "She is my home, in a sense." He cast his gaze down yet again. "I have never had a place such as this to call my home. As you know, I merely have the sun, for fire is not found in such places as this." He used his hand to indicate the tree and clearing. It amazed her, how he could just start to talk again after. that. She was still struggling with the memory, thinking that she exaggerated it, or changed it, or added this part, or lost another. "I am fortunate enough to have known many of the naturals." "Aye, fortunate you are. Did I just say aye?" "Aye, you did there, young laddie." Sienna said in a mocking tone. She was really in no mood to be humorous, and had not intended to mock, but her fake Scottish accent hadn't taken account of her feelings before acting. She very rarely said anything out of character in front of anyone that she didn't know, and know well, at that. "I hadn't taken you as one for jests." "Perhaps I'm not one for jests." Sienna often used on air of mystery, it came more naturally than regular speech. She liked to think of it as part of the glamour of a priestess. "Then, why. I mean, you just. oh, never mind." He looked up at her, frustration on his face. "It's seems like whenever I'm around you, I just can't talk or express what it is that I'm trying to say." This time, it was Sienna's turn to look on him with a strange face. Who was this boy to come to her like this, and who was she to accept him so readily? At that, frustration came to her face as well. How she wished to share a moment yet again, with just him. Just him. The thought struck her as odd, seeing as to how so many naturals were about them both. The willow tree, sister Elijah, the stream. A smile crept across her face, and of course Peter had reason to wonder why. "Have I said something humorous that I was unaware of?" he inquired sincerely, hoping to understand whatever her response might be in light of recent events. "You have said nothing of the sort. It was simply my own musings. I apologize if I have seemed disrespectful of your. position?" "I'm actually still in training. I wonder, if you don't mind my asking, how far are you in training? I would also like to know who is training you, if you won't find that too imposing." "I train alone, through books and computers. I don't know how far I am, as I have none to compare to. I do know much of the old ways, but I have never actually performed. Are you trying to tell me that you have actually found a priesthood in this area?" Sienna's interest had been more than sparked, as she had looked for others like her for so long. How could one person come along and proclaim to know many in the service of the Goddess? "You have not performed, and yet the Goddess still accepts you?" "She knows my ways, as you must come to know them, I am to believe. Perhaps we should start now." "As to your comment before, I am training to become a member of a priesthood. Our kind of priesthood, if you wish to know. And, I do believe that I should try to learn at least a little of your ways before we leave this place." Sienna whispered to the willow and all else present, " Leave us now. We are to learn each other. Could you provide us shelter, natures?" She was responded to with a swish of the wind and a slight glimmer at the edges of the clearing. "They do your will, so quickly, with no offering and no price?" he asked in astonishment. "They do my bidding not as if I am superior. They do me a favor, as between friends. There is one lesson you should learn. I do not seek to challenge any of the elements, I just wish to know and share them." She said, trying in vain to express her point. "But how can you expect to achieve greatness without the power over at least one element?" He asked, his brow furrowing in the attempt to comprehend. "I am confident that they will help me in times of need, as I try to help them." "You speak to them as if they are stronger than you. With proper training-" "I do not wish to be trained to betray my friends and equals," she said with force that had not been there before. Sienna narrowed her eyes, hoping that he would soon give up and allow her to have her way. She did not want to master the elements; in fact, to her they were beyond mastering. She simply sought their help when she was in need, and most of the time, they came through for her. She doubted that many others would ever understand what she and the elements had. It was different, not about power or dominance, but about equality and friendship. "It would not be betrayal! Everyone before you has mastered the elements, why are you different?" He asked, not meaning to be rude, in his naïve way. "Then again, I do know you to be different. One of the Old Ways, true. But not in the conventional sense at all. In fact, I do not even know what the priests would think of you. I suppose that they have already made up their minds about you, though. They must have had some reason to send me here, and I know that they would not send me into harm. Not that you might be considered harmful, or anything. Just- well I told you my troubles about speaking to you. It's just that my mind keeps going back to that time, when we." He blushed, not meaning to have voiced his thoughts that far. This brought a smile to Sienna's lips. She couldn't help but to think how her mind was wondering as well. Their conversation would have normally been intriguing to both of them, if not for the experiences that had taken place before hand. She blushed as she voiced her thoughts aloud too. "My mind wonders there, also." "Perhaps, we could put our minds to rest with a second experience?" he asked in earnest, trying not to be forward. But also trying to get what he wanted. He had no intentions of taking advantage of her, or forcing anything upon her. But that couldn't stop him from wanting. "A second experience? Perhaps, but only in time." Sienna did not want to lead him on, and she didn't want to do it again without knowing Peter better. She had actually never intended to do it with anyone that she hadn't known, and trusted, for a long time. A sigh parted lips, but from whose it came, neither knew. 


End file.
